


The Envy of a Billion Stars

by silversparrow



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Angst, Homophobia, M/M, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-08-01
Updated: 2012-08-17
Packaged: 2017-11-11 04:15:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/474401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silversparrow/pseuds/silversparrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I don't care what people think. I didn't fall in love with them. I fell in love with you.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Request fill for [sin_delight](http://sin_delight.livejournal.com) for [this](http://www.iwrotethisforyou.me/2012/04/envy-of-billion-little-unique.html) prompt. I don't really know how I managed to do something this long considering the prompt is only 14 words but I guess I just got excited to write in this fandom again.

When Kyuhyun enters the practice room for the first time, it isn’t a particularly loud affair.  
  
The music coming from the CD player pushed off in a corner isn’t terribly loud—just enough for the people around it to hear while they try to show each other up with break dancing moves. Currently, Eunhyuk, Hankyung, Shindong, and Donghae are gathered around the CD player, and it’s Eunhyuk’s turn to dance in the middle. Donghae watches with glee as his friend pops and locks and spins around, clapping his hands to the beat of the music, Eunhyuk’s shoes squeaking loudly against the polished wooden floor while the other boys cheer him on.  
  
Eunhyuk’s barely danced for five minutes when the door suddenly opens, and Donghae looks over expecting to see the choreographer, ready to start the day going. But instead of the average height and messy black hair he’s used to, a tall young man with thick black hair and long, spindly limbs walks in. He’s wearing a plain grey shirt with dark-blue sweatpants, and he’s carrying with him a green messenger bag, puffed out from its contents.  
  
He stops for a moment and looks at everyone, who have stopped what they were doing to see the newcomer. Donghae especially, because he doesn’t notice Eunhyuk doing a final spin and he catches Donghae’s leg in a painful collision. Donghae collects himself and watches the young man bow, and with a deep, full voice, he says, “Hello. My name is Cho Kyuhyun and I’m the new member of Super Junior. I hope you treat me well.”  
  
There’s a scattering of  _hello_  and  _welcome_  and confused looks amongst the members (“We’re getting a new member?” Donghae heard Kangin say), and Leeteuk, who was previously chatting with Heechul against the back wall, walks up to him with his hand outstretched, and Kyuhyun gingerly takes it, looking unsure of what to do.  
  
“I’m Super Junior’s leader, Leeteuk,” Leeteuk says with a smile, his dimple poking itself into existence.  
  
Kyuhyun grins back, perfect, white teeth gleaming, and when Leeteuk turns around saying, “be nice to Kyuhyun and get back to work,” Kyuhyun lets the grin last a little longer and he shifts his bag on his shoulder and looks around to see where he can put his things.  
  
Donghae’s eyes follow him as he makes his way across the room and observes him. Everything about him is long—his hair, his arms, his legs, even his face—and he wonders if he’s been put through a taffy puller and stretched to his desired height. Donghae thinks about his own height and wonders where he can get his own personal taffy puller.  
  
Kyuhyun finally notices where to put his things and it’s a cluttered mess—bags of different colors sit on top of each other and packages of chips and soda bottles (most of them empty) litter the space in between. Kyuhyun sets his bag against the wall apart from everything else and digs out a water bottle, but Donghae doesn’t see him take a sip because Eunhyuk’s snapping his fingers in front of his face, and he turns his attention back to his friend with an eyebrow raised.  
  
“It’s your turn,” Eunhyuk says, wiping the sweat from his brow, and Donghae’s eyes flash back to Kyuhyun, who’s put the water bottle back and is now sitting cross-legged against the wall looking this way and that, trying to see what all the other members are doing. Donghae goes back to Eunhyuk and shakes his head.  
  
“I think I’m going to say hello,” he says, and he tunes out his objections and walks over to Kyuhyun, busy looking down and picking at his nails. He doesn’t notice Donghae until he sits down a few inches from him and grabs his attention with a simple, “Hey.”  
  
Kyuhyun starts and lifts his eyes to meet Donghae’s, dropping his hands and stretching his lips into a smile. “Hello.”  
  
“Do you think I can get some water? I’ve already finished mine.”  
  
Kyuhyun’s eyes widen for a second and he says, “Yeah, of course.” He goes back to his bag and pulls out his water bottle and hands it over to Donghae, who takes it with a smile and a thank you.  
  
“I’m Donghae, by the way,” Donghae says after taking a sip, and when he hands the bottle back, he asks, “How are you feeling?”  
  
Kyuhyun holds the bottle in the space between his legs and shrugs. “Just a little nervous. And scared.”  
  
Donghae laughs and Kyuhyun turns back to him, confusion in his eyes. Donghae catches himself and clears his throat. “I wouldn’t worry about it too much. It’s natural to feel that way.”  
  
Kyuhyun sighs and turns back to the other members. Shindong and Hankyung have initiated a dance-off with Eunhyuk as referee, and Leeteuk’s migrated over to Kibum and Ryeowook, showing them the right way to do the part of the choreography they were arguing about.  
  
“I just don’t want to mess up. I’m not—I’m not the best at dancing.”  
  
“And Heechul hyung’s not the best at singing,” Donghae says, pointing at Heechul singing lines with Yesung. “But makes do with what he has and he has fun doing it. And I think you should, too.”  
  
“I don’t want to look like an idiot.”  
  
Donghae laughs and pats Kyuhyun on the shoulder. “Everyone looks like an idiot their first day. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun with it.”  
  
For the first time since entering the practice room, Kyuhyun laughs. His laugh is as deep as his talking voice, like a low rumbling at first, and Donghae can feel the vibration on his skin and it’s infectious; before long, he’s laughing too. It takes them a few minutes to calm down and Donghae can’t remember the last time he’s laughed this freely with someone he’s just met, but he guesses because he’s been through the same experience, he can sympathize with him a little, knows how it feels like to be new and not know anyone. However, he was lucky to have trained with everyone in the group and got to know them for years, so he can’t completely comprehend how Kyuhyun must be feeling.  
  
“I’ve never seen you in the company before,” Donghae says, stretching his arms in front of him, and he turns to Kyuhyun and asks, “Were you a top-secret trainee?”  
  
Kyuhyun shakes his head with a chuckle.  
  
“No, not really. A few weeks ago, I was transferred here from my company after financial troubles forced them to start letting members go. I started practicing for the song right after I was signed here, and manager hyung wanted me to start practicing with the group once I learned the basic steps and before we re-record the single.”  
  
Donghae makes a cognizant sound. “So,  _that’s_  why we’re re-recording. I thought it was because we sounded like crap.”  
  
Kyuhyun hides a laugh behind his hand and Donghae grins at him, amused at how easily he can make Kyuhyun laugh.  
  
“No, I’ve heard the song and it sounds really good,” Kyuhyun says, brushing his fringe aside and looking at his outstretched feet. “I wonder how it’ll sound when my voice is added in.”  
  
“I’m sure it’ll make it sound better. Actually, re-recording it in general will make it sound better.” He turns to Kyuhyun and adds, “So, do you have any special talents?”  
  
“Special?” Kyuhyun asks, his brows knitted.  
  
“You know,” Donghae starts, like the answer should be obvious, “singing, dancing, acting.”  
  
“Oh, that,” Kyuhyun says with a chuckle, and he brings his legs in and wraps his arms around his knees. “I sing. I like to sing.”  
  
“Yeah? Can I hear a sample?”  
  
Kyuhyun looks at him and smiles, and he turns back to his feet with a nod and, after clearing his throat, he closes his eyes and begins to sing. A few words in and Donghae is speechless. Kyuhyun’s voice is full and rich, deeper than any of the members’ and Donghae can feel warmth washing over him, the hairs at the back of his head beginning to stand up. It has a refreshing quality to it, something to break the high pitched voices all the other members seem to possess, and he can feel a smile breaking when Kyuhyun effortlessly hits a high note.  
  
The song ends too quickly for Donghae and he’s quiet when Kyuhyun opens his eyes and looks at him expectantly, like he’s supposed to say something. He clears his throat and flashes Kyuhyun a grin and a thumb’s up.  
  
“You sound amazing,” he says, dropping his hand on his stomach and linking his fingers together. “I’m really jealous.”  
  
Kyuhyun smiles and turns away. “Thanks, but you don’t have to say that. Your voice sounds good, too.”  
  
Donghae shakes his head with a laugh and starts to get up. “Let me introduce you to the other members. Now’s a good time than any.”  
  
Kyuhyun gets up and flashes Donghae a smile, and with a nod, he says, “Sure. Thank you.”  
  
  


-

  


“I don’t think they like me very much.”

They’re sitting back down on the floor after taking Kyuhyun around the entire room to introduce him to everyone, and he’s in the process of finding a comfortable spot when the question hits his ears, and when he looks at Kyuhyun, he has his eyes focused back on his feet, downcast.

Kyuhyun presented himself respectfully, never forgetting to bow, a constant smile on his face, making small conversation, even laughing on cue when someone makes a joke. He even sang for some of them when they asked and thanked them on their compliments, so Donghae’s confused why he thinks they don’t like him.

“What are you talking about? They love you.”

Kyuhyun makes a face. “Heechul hyung doesn’t seem to like me.”

Donghae laughs. “Heechul hyung? Nah, that’s just his personality. You’ll get used to it. If he doesn’t like you, I’m sure you’ll know.”

Kyuhyun turns to him and smiles, and when he opens his mouth to say something, Eunhyuk suddenly appears in front of them and calls them to dance. Donghae looks over behind him and sees Shindong, Hankyung, Sungmin, and Kibum making hand gestures for them to come, and Donghae laughs and jumps to his feet. He looks over at Kyuhyun, who stays rooted to his spot, and holds out his hand.

“Come on. What better way to bond than dancing?”

“I told you, hyung,” Kyuhyun says, voice sounding like it’s withdrawing back in his chest. “I—don’t dance very well.”

“It’ll be fun, I promise,” Donghae says, motioning for him to come along, eager to get him to his feet.

Kyuhyun sighs and looks at Donghae for a few seconds before grabbing his hand, and Donghae hoists him up and all they both walk to the dance circle. Kyuhyun nearly breaks his back bending like a folder in a bow (Donghae can already tell he wants to fit in, wants to be liked) and the men wave their hands dismissively, saying he doesn’t have to bow to them every time they see each other. Kyuhyun laughs awkwardly and it’s quiet for a while, until Eunhyuk decides to break the silence by challenging Donghae to a dance-off. Donghae laughs and walks over to Eunhyuk until they’re almost nose to nose, looking at each other intently, and he looks over at Kyuhyun for a moment, tossing his head slightly with a smirk to nonverbally say “watch me kick his butt”, and the battle starts.

They’ve only been going at it for a few minutes before the door opens again, and this time, Donghae doesn’t have to look behind him to know it’s the choreographer because the music suddenly stops and the room becomes quiet. When Donghae finally turns around, he walks over to meet his group mates, who have already congregated in the middle, and motions for Kyuhyun to come with him. Together they bow their welcome, and the choreographer tells them to warm up for a few minutes before getting into formation.

“He looks scary,” Kyuhyun tells Donghae quietly after inching over to him warming up against the wall, and Donghae turns to him with a chuckle.

“Yeah, he looks very intimidating at first but you’ll get used to it. Just—try to hit all your marks, okay? He shouldn’t be too hard on you since it’s your first day practicing with the group.”

Kyuhyun nods and starts stretching, and when it’s time for them to get to their formations, he watches as Kyuhyun’s whisked away by Leeteuk to talk to the choreographer about his positions, Kyuhyun listening attentively and nodding in comprehension while the choreographer tells him where he’s going to be. After their talk, he claps his hand and tells them to get to their formations, and Donghae catches Kyuhyun’s nervous eyes for a few seconds before the music begins to play.


	2. Chapter 2

A week into joining the group, Kyuhyun finds himself a niche in lead vocals.   
  
It doesn’t come as a surprise—most of them were counting on it, considering less than half the group can actually sing, and adding another lead singer is an invaluable asset when it comes to the popularity of the group as a whole. Yesung and Ryeowook welcomed him into the fold with open arms and Sungmin’s unofficially taken him under his wing when it came to learning the lines and getting more confident in his dancing.   
  
This confidence, however, doesn’t come easy for him, because the choreographer gave the group a talking to about chaotic movements when shifting positions and not hitting their marks hard enough, and eventually called them up one by one to tell them what they’re doing wrong. Kyuhyun tries to bear it all with bright eyes, seemingly eager to learn and correct his mistakes, and Donghae almost believes that he’s mature enough to not let the criticism rub him the wrong way (and almost congratulated him on it because he could never cope with failure when he first came into the group) until Kyuhyun walked out one day after getting a particularly stern talking-to when he missed a chunk of choreography and didn’t recover very well. Donghae eventually found him sitting against the wall next to a vending machine a few ways down the building, turning his head and wiping away tears with the back of his hand in an attempt to convince Donghae that nothing’s wrong.

  


-

 

Donghae wakes up and looks at his ceiling, trying to blink away the sleep.   
  
It’s still dark, and it doesn’t feel like he slept much because his eyelids are still heavy, demanding sleep, but he’s not tired. Shindong’s snoring away on the bed next to him and it never fails to make him laugh to think how he manages to sleep while sharing a room with someone that sounds like a perpetual vacuum cleaner.   
  
He looks at his watch and sees 1:20 blinking in red, and he rubs his eyes and sits up, letting a yawn escape his lips before jumping to his feet and making his way to the bathroom.   
  
He turns on the tap and lets his hands run under the warm water, and he thinks about how Kyuhyun’s coping with all the sudden changes.   
  
Along with his difficulty to recover when he missed a step, he had trouble adapting to change in choreography, and after a few additions and alterations, which came along easily enough for the other members (which was understandable because they had better sense of how each person worked, unlike Kyuhyun, who could barely remember their names at any given moment, much less where their feet would land next), Kyuhyun manages to piss the choreographer off to the point that he’s yelling for him to take a break and practice the new moves by himself. Donghae watched helplessly as Kyuhyun solemnly drags his feet to the corner while wiping his face with his sleeve, and Donghae’s heart almost cracks in two when he sees Kyuhyun crying to himself for ten whole minutes.   
  
He turns off the faucet and dries off with a the towel hanging against the wall, and he walks over to the kitchen and pulls out the carton of milk. He gives it a shake and discovers it’s halfway empty, and he shrugs and takes a sip directly from the box because he’ll probably finish it anyway and there’s another carton waiting right behind the water pitcher.   
  
Dropping the carton in the trash, he makes his way around the dorm and peers into each member’s rooms to see if anyone’s awake because there’s no chance of him going back to sleep unless he took some of Leeteuk’s pills, but Leeteuk says he counts them and would know if anyone took any, and even though Donghae seriously doubts this (because really, how anal could somebody be that they count ever single pill in a bottle) he doesn’t want to take the chance, and he might become dependent on them. He’s not an insomniac, his brain just wakes him up whenever it wants to.   
  
He shuffles silently into Eunhyuk’s room and he slowly creeps under the covers next to him. Eunhyuk always sleeps on one side of the otherwise large bed because he likes to hang his arm over the edge, so it’s not that difficult to slip in next to him without waking him up. Donghae listens to his snoring for a few minutes before flipping to his side and prodding Eunhyuk’s back. Eunhyuk grunts and shakes in his spot and Donghae waits until he’s calmed down to poke him again.   
  
“Donghae-yah!” Eunhyuk exclaims in his pillow. “Leave me alone and go back to your room.”   
  
“I can’t sleep,” Donghae says.   
  
“That’s your problem. Now go away before I kick your ass.”   
  
Donghae laughs and tries to snatch the pillow from under Eunhyuk’s head, but Eunhyuk bats his hand away and pushes him off the bed, landing on the wooden floor with a loud thud.   
  
Rubbing his behind, he gets to his feet and gives Eunhyuk a slap across the back of his head, and when Eunhyuk jumps from the bed, Donghae laughs and sprints out the room, closing the door behind him and trying to stop the laughter erupting from his chest.   
  
Not having the slightest idea of what to do next, Donghae scratches his head and weighs out his options. Eating would require too much effort and he’d have to wash everything afterwards, not something he wants to do at 2:00 in the morning, plus, he’s not really hungry thanks to the half carton of milk he just downed in one go. Watching television would require him to lower the volume not to wake everyone up, but he doesn’t really watch television often (only watching music shows, really, and some reality shows when he felt like it) and he can’t be bothered to sit up close because he won’t hear anything. There’s only one option left, and he figures he might as well ensure he gets all the new moves down (and really, why does it seem like the choreographer’s hell-bent on making them mess up by making the complicated choreography ten times more difficult) and not get yelled at the next day. Stretching his arms in the air, he lets out a big yawn before making his way out of the dorm and climbling up the fire escape to the roof.   
  
He hears it before he sees it—a voice, deep and rugged, marked with heavy panting and cracking at parts—and when he pokes his head up to see across the edge of the rooftop, he sees Kyuhyun in the center dancing the familiar choreography, the song he’s singing to himself devoid of melody, almost sounding like air being expelled from his lungs, and under the moonlight, Donghae can just see his face dripping with sweat. He debates whether to continue his journey up and join Kyuhyun, thinking it would be beneficial for both of them to practice at the same time so they could point out each other’s mistakes but at the same time not wanting to intrude upon his private practice session and judging by the site he picked to practice, he probably didn’t want to be bothered.   
  
The decision is made for him when Kyuhyun suddenly stops in his tracks and looks at Donghae square in the eyes, “Hyung!” pushing out of his throat in surprise.   
  
“Kyuhyunnie,” Donghae says, playing off his blown cover with a smile and a scratch of his head, and he finishes his journey up the fire escape and plants his feet on the hard, stone surface, and he shoves his hands in his pockets because he doesn’t know what to do with them.   
  
Kyuhyun wipes the sweat from his eyebrows and fans his face and both lock eyes for a moment before Donghae decides to break it and focus his vision on his feet, not really knowing how to explain himself or what he was doing up there. In the silence, he can hear the loud chirping of crickets, and he himself has never actually paid attention to the sound (because they’re just crickets and what’s so special about their chirps?), but listening now, there’s a soothing quality to it, almost like music, and he laughs to himself for thinking about such random, trivial things. He lifts his head up and looks at Kyuhyun again.   
  
“What are you doing up here?” Kyuhyun asks, voice breathy and forced from the sudden pause from activity, and Donghae lifts his shoulders and moves closer. Kyuhyun’s face is glistening now, beads of sweat catching the light from the moon, and against his pale skin, it makes him look like a porcelain doll.   
  
“Couldn’t sleep,” Donghae says, striding over next to Kyuhyun and lowering himself on the asphalt to sit down. “What about you?”   
  
Kyuhyun shrugs and sits down beside Donghae, bringing his knees to his chest and hugging his legs close. “I can’t get the damn choreography right.”   
  
Donghae turns to him and gives him a tiny nudge on the elbow. “Well, don’t kill yourself over it. It’s just dancing.”   
  
Kyuhyun sighs and props his chin in the space between his knees. “I feel like I’m holding the group back.”   
  
HIs voice is soft and fragile, a reflection, Donghae imagines, of how he’s feeling at the moment, and Donghae knits his brows and inches closer. “Why? Everyone messes up sometimes.”   
  
“But that’s the problem,” Kyuhyun says, his voice gaining momentum, and he looks at Donghae with glassy eyes. “I’m messing up all the time. Everytime we fall into formation, I’m always doing something wrong. My footing’s never right or—or I’m always in the wrong spot or—I’m doing something that looks like there’s a simple solution to it but I’m just too stupid to figure it out.”   
  
Donghae sighs when he sees Kyuhyun lifting his hand and pressing the base of his palm against his eye. He moves closer until their shoulders touch and he reaches his arm across his shoulders and pulls him close. “If this is about the choreographer, it’s not your fault. That’s just the way he is. He likes the sound of his voice too much.”   
  
“It’s not that—it’s not that he’s being particularly mean to me or anything,” Kyuhyun defends, his voice shaking now, and he brings up his other hand and rubs his eyes vigorously. “It’s that he’s right and I can’t seem get it right now matter how hard I try and it—it sucks because I’m doing the best that I can and it’s never good enough.”   
  
Donghae watches him with sympathetic eyes and he feels his breath caught in his throat. He’s never been good at these things, never really had much experience with sitting people down and talking to them about their problems and expecting him to say something that would make everything better, and he doesn’t know what to say. He’s thankful Kyuhyun’s too busy trying to stop the tears from flowing to see him biting the inside of his cheeks, drawing his brows together and straining his brain to think of something—anything to say.   
  
“Kyuhyun-ah,” Donghae says softly, bringing his head closer to Kyuhyun’s. “It’s—I know it doesn’t look like it now, but everything will get better. You just wait and see. When you hit that stage for the first time, you’ll forget all about your fears and shortcomings, and pretty soon, you’re going to be having fun with the rest of us. It’s not the end of the world if you get the choreography wrong. It’s all about getting back on your feet and picking yourself up where you left off.”   
  
Kyuhyun tries to swallow his sobs and traps them in his chest before lifting his head up and flashing a wet smile at Donghae, but they break through the barricade all the same and burst out of him like a broken dam, and Donghae grips Kyuhyun’s shoulder tighter and pulls his head to his chest, dampening his shirt in an instant but Donghae doesn’t care.   
  
“Let it out,” Donghae says, letting Kyuhyun dissolve into a heaving, sobbing mess in his arms because he knows he needs it, needs a release before the pressure building up inside of him detonates like a bomb and he can’t bear to see Kyuhyun break like glass in his fingers. “Just let it all out.”   
  
Donghae can feel the wetness spreading on his skin as Kyuhyun sobs deeper and deeper in his chest, as though muffling the sound would drive it out of existence, and it takes him a few minutes to get his breathing back in order and finally look up at Donghae, eyes red. He sniffs and pulls himself out of Donghae’s hold and takes a few deep breaths before drying his face with the front of his shirt. Donghae drops his hands beside him and watches patiently.   
  
“Thank you hyung,” Kyuhyun finally says, echoes of his sobs lining each word, and Donghae only nods, brain failing to come up with anything to say.   
  
Kyuhyun shakes his head with a sniff and turns to Donghae with a loud exhale, and when his eyes drop on the wet spot on Donghae’s shirt, he says, “Oh—sorry about your shirt, hyung.”   
  
Donghae looks down and sees the dark blob just underneath the collar, and he turns back to Kyuhyun with a smile. “It’s just a shirt. Don’t worry about it.”   
  
Kyuhyun manages a smile and turns his face to the stars, and Donghae follows suit and they’re both silent for a while, listening to the crickets and passing cars and the sound of each other’s breathing. Donghae steals glances every now and then, tracing out the outline of Kyuhyun’s profile—his straight nose, full lips, jawline smooth and defined under his skin, acne scars on his cheeks that he hasn’t really seen up until now, this close. Then, out of nowhere, his heart begins to pick up, starting as a slow rumbling in his chest and spreading out against his ribcage until he can feel every beat pulsing in his fingertips, and he turns away when he feels his face starting to burn.   
  
“Alright,” Donghae says suddenly and Kyuhyun looks up with a start. Donghae gets to his feet and motions for him to stand up, and Kyuhyun shoots him a questioning look before grinning and pushing himself off the asphalt.   
  
“What are we doing?” Kyuhyun asks, standing with an awkward hunch and looking at Donghae for further instructions, and Donghae stretches his arms in the air with a low grunt.   
  
“Let’s practice the moves together, okay?” Donghae says, getting down to stretch his legs. Kyuhyun watches on, standing with his arms folded across his chest like he doesn’t know what to do with his body, and Donghae tips his head to tell him to follow him. Kyuhyun laughs and drops down to stretch his legs as well.   
  
“Starting from the top?” Kyuhyun asks after standing up to his full height and stretching his long, skinny arms in the air. Donghae nods and takes a few steps to his right until they’re arm-width apart.   
  
“Start us off.”   
  
Kyuhyun smiles widely and nods back, and they both face the roof of the apartment complext in front of them.   
  
Donghae snaps his fingers three times, and he feels a grin stretching his lips when Kyuhyun begins to sing.


End file.
